analogalpaca: (squirrel)
[personal profile] analogalpaca
Yes, this is exactly what the subject says it is.


The Very Secret Diaries of an Object Moving at a Constact Speed Across a Frictionless Surface

t = 0 Days
Started moving across the frictionless surface at a constant velocity v. Don't actually know how I got to this speed, considering that one second I was at rest and the next thing I know I was moving at a constant positive speed. Maybe I'm thinking too much. Whatever.

t = 1 Days
Moving at a constant velocity v. Everything's a go.

t = 2 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Getting bored.

t = 5 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Wish I had bought some reading materials at that newstand I saw at t = 3.5632. But then again, it's not as if I could stop.

t = 8 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Lucky thing I'm an abstract geometric object whose center of mass is located at a spot that is easy to pinpoint so I could be studied easily by people who don't know calculus. If I was, say, a penguin, then I would've starved to death already.

t = 20 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Wishing now that I'm a penguin and have already starved to death.

t = 53 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Saw a cute parellelopippen going in the opposite direction at constant velocity -v. Should've asked her for her number.

t = 54 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Am wishing that I'm a penguin. If I was, I'd be able to do something about the fact that I am horny thinking about the parallelopippen seeing how I'd have arms and genitals. I could, in fact, alter my trajectory my masturbating. But wait, if I was a penguin I wouldn't think that parellelopippens are hot, unless I had a geometry fetish. And I'd also be dead and possibly less bored.

t = 153 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Maybe at one point I was a penguin sliding down frictionless surfaces, but I had a geometry fetish and God sent me to this hell after I died during an inelastic collusion with another penguin.

t = 639 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Am going insane and seeing fractals. I should not have watched that movie with the Mandelbrot set sticking its infinitely many tentacles into a Merger's Sponge dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl the night before taking this trip.

t = 2784 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Am contemplating the nature of the universe. Am I on a sphere? A cylinder? A torus? Or maybe I'm on an infinite plane.

t = 6493 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Wishing for the sweet embrace of a warm electromagnetic field. Crying doesn't help.

t = 85373929 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. I think I've figured it out. Given the velocity of the cute parallelopippen, the speed of light, mating habits of penguins, a probabilistic model involing a mathematician, a physicist, an engineer and a bar, and the eight branches of mathematics I developed in the last 80 million days I have figured out the exact nature of existence--

t = t_1 Days
Collided with an abstract geometric object moving at a constant velocity -v. Am now moving at a constant velocity -v. What was I thinking about before the collusion? Oh, well. Who am I? What day is today?

t = t_1 + 213 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity -v. Very very bored. Images of fractals having sex with each other as well as equations and symbols I have never seen before keep haunting me. Wish I had hands and a knife so I could commit suicide.

t = t_1 + 85373876 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity -v. Was reaching the zenith of my insanity when I finally saw that cute parallelopippen again. I think I remember almost everything now. At this rate, I could reconstruct all my results in about two months.

t = t_1 + 85373929 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity -v. Was almost complete with calculations when I saw incoming object moving at a constant velocity v. Am now bracing for impact.

t = t_2 Days
Started moving across the frictionless surface at a constant velocity v. Don't actually know how I got to this speed, considering that one second I was at rest and the next thing I know I was moving at a constant positive speed. Maybe I'm thinking too much. Whatever.

Date: 2004-02-04 07:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gajaviril.livejournal.com
d00d! This was a really really really good post!:) I loved it!

Date: 2004-02-04 08:00 pm (UTC)

Date: 2004-02-04 08:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] d8ff752.livejournal.com
this is superb!

Date: 2004-02-04 08:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dreixel.livejournal.com
Really good, in fact. Added you, just because of this :)

(To bad you won't probably understand my livejournal because it's written in portuguese... sorry)

Re:

Date: 2004-02-04 09:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wingie.livejournal.com
AHH!!! THE NON-ENGLISH LIVEJOURNALS ARE EATING MY BRAIN!!!

I meant, Hi! Thanks! =)

Re:

Date: 2004-02-04 09:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dreixel.livejournal.com
:)

I'm sorry, but I feel so much more confortable writing in portuguese... I wish I were born in an english-speaking country.

Date: 2004-02-04 09:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] samldanach.livejournal.com
Heh. Heh heh. Bwaa-ha-haaahh!!!

That was freakin' fantastic!

Date: 2004-02-04 10:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] morinon.livejournal.com
Hilarious. Going to be forwarding it to a few friends who will appreciate it.

Date: 2004-02-05 02:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] goblinmouse.livejournal.com
That is the most narcissistic parallelopiped i've ever met!

Date: 2004-02-05 02:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] goblinmouse.livejournal.com
That is the most narcissistic parallelopiped i've ever met!

Date: 2004-02-05 04:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kalo-khei.livejournal.com
Stop. You're making me horny. ;-)

You realize this means that I'm going to have to write The Very Secret Diaries of an Object With A Constant Nonzero Acceleration Parallel To The Y Axis And An Initial Velocity With Nonzero X And Y Components.

Date: 2004-02-05 06:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lukadia.livejournal.com
*wild applause!* oh bravo!!!!

Filming

Date: 2004-02-05 07:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] evendel.livejournal.com
I should be in my dorm all weekend. If you need some help with something IM me or come and see me...you do know where my room is right? Or you could try calling me I guess...if you knew my number. So...I guess...IM me when you want some people. I'll be here. With almost nothing to do. Until I actually put my project stuff on the computer. Yeah. Bye!

Date: 2004-02-05 07:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tcideneb.livejournal.com
This is of my love!

There was a great story about three people (two guys and a girl) were travelling at parellel lines to each other ad infinitum, and how one of the guys wanted to sleep with the girl, and only stayed sane because of the hope they'd meet at infinity.

Ah! Fractal rape! :D

Re:

Date: 2004-02-05 08:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wingie.livejournal.com
Italo Calvino's The Shape of Space, as printed in Cosmicomics which I just grabbed from my bookshelf.

Re: Filming

Date: 2004-02-05 08:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wingie.livejournal.com
Honey, I think you left a comment on the wrong post...

Date: 2004-02-05 09:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] evendel.livejournal.com
AIEE!!! Gomen-nasai!!!! I....I didn't know. I'm sorry, I didn't even notice she had merely linked to another LJ. I'll uh...I'll just take this here and re-post to my friends. Sorry! *is all embarassed*

Re:

Date: 2004-03-02 11:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ronaldraygun.livejournal.com
I just had an awesome idea about how to improve your English. ;)

Re:

Date: 2004-03-04 09:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dreixel.livejournal.com
May I ask what idea was that?

Re:

Date: 2004-03-04 01:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ronaldraygun.livejournal.com
Now you've gone and killed all the subtlety of the comment. The idea was to start updating in English.

Date: 2004-03-09 04:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mumbly-joe.livejournal.com
Choo Choo Bear!!

Love your icon.

Date: 2004-03-10 08:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] god-of-belac.livejournal.com
Wow. That're really cool.

After you put in the bit about the parallellopippin, I was hoping for some more LotR references (Pervy Rhomboid Fancier!). But still, quite entertaining.

Re:

Date: 2004-03-10 08:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] god-of-belac.livejournal.com
Ahh, Cosmicomics. What a great book!

Date: 2004-05-26 03:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] waroftherings.livejournal.com
That was one of the the most amazing posts i have ever read. Thank you soo much =P

Date: 2005-08-27 08:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talikira.livejournal.com
Wow, that was interesting. xD; Pretty funny too. X3

Date: 2005-08-27 11:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nycteris-a.livejournal.com
That is so wrong... and funny...

Date: 2007-04-25 01:21 am (UTC)
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